DAYS FIVE, SIX, AND SEVEN

 

 

Hello all.  Sorry for the lack of postage lately.  I had no idea I was falling so far behind!  I was kind of feeling under the weather and I was exhausted by the end of the day.  I hope that you’ll forgive me and, instead of owing you animals (God knows what THAT would entail) I’ll just cover three days here.  So here we go.

Thursday (Day 5)

We had our second class, and Jane Stein, the theatre teacher, wanted us to go sit in the park across the street and sketch trees.  Easy breezy, right?  “Go on,” she says, “and I’ll come around and check up on sporadically.”  Right.  I’m sitting there, sketching the crap out of this tree (it was amazing by the way.  The Victoria and Albert is going to start an exhibit on me), and I look back towards the group, because it’s been about half an hour or so.  They’re leaving.  All of them.  RUDE, RIGHT!?  I was all excited for my tree, too! Oh well.

Post-tree disappointment, we took a walking tour of the British Museum, and our tour guide was ludicrous.  I honestly think she was some sort of drunkard hired off the street for pocket lint and an expired tube pass.  She showed us “the highlights,” which means the Rosetta Stone (the replica at least), the winged bulls of Assyria, the Stygian Marble from the Parthenon, the Sutton Hoo burial mound, and the bust of Ramses II.  For some reason she “wasn’t allowed to teach the mummies,” which was sketchy enough, but she seemed not to know anything about any of the stuff.  She kept consulting the little museum info plaques on the exhibits and I kept having to correct the information to my friends.  I felt kind of douchy, but what am I gonna do?  Let them suffer in ignorance?

Friday (Day 6)

Friday was our first full day off.  We were supposed to get up at 9 am and lead some girls on a walk through Diagon Alley. Instead I slept until nearly 1 pm (accidentally!) and we went to the aquarium.  It was awesome, as all aquariums/zoos are!  We saw octupi, sharks, turtles, and PENGUINS!  They separate the aquarium into different halls depending on what sort of ecosystem they’re focusing on, and transitioning from the Rainforest section to the Arctic section almost sent me into shock.  Literally, from about 80 degrees to nearly 40.  Not healthy.

In the Arctic section there was this sort of superfluous tunnel you could crawl through that led nowhere and was clearly meant for small children.  Naturally, I went in.  So did my 35 year old friend Jason.  The only difference between me and him is that when he went in, a small child tried to go in the other side.  The child was already nervous about going into the tunnel, and Jason didn’t help it by growling menacingly from around a corner.  I think the kid soiled himself.

If you go to the aquarium, don’t get roped into the Shark Walk.  It doesn’t cost anything, but it’s the worst waste of time yet.  It was one pane of glass in the floor, and you’re meant to be able to look down and see sharks swimming beneath you.  If you squint real hard.  I suppose.  I couldn’t see any, anyway.

Saturday (Day 7)

Finally, today.  Well, today, I made it a point to wake up at a reasonable hour, so I got Jason to get me up at around 9.  After getting ready we went to Primark, which I believe is owned by Old Navy and sells some super-cheap clothes for Americans.  It was pretty cool.  I bought a shirt, stupidly.  Gotta quit spending money, I’m already running on empty.

After Primark, we went back to the Great Fire Monument.  If you don’t remember where/what that is, Warren took us there either day 2 or 3, and I made it the cover for that post below.  It’s a big column with golden fire at the top.  As we were leaving, Jason turned to me and asked “What tube stop is the monument at again?”  I reply, “Monument.”  Lovable oaf.  There is a spiral staircase which you can climb to get to the top of the monument, for a fee.  It’s 311 steps to get to the top, you have to pay 3 pounds, and the view all around is obstructed by protective mesh netting.  You can’t take pictures.  In a word, it kinda sucked.  I wouldn’t recommend it.

Fun fact, Christopher Wren designed it to be a giant telescope, but it didn’t work.  Architecture fail.

Well, there you are: all caught up.  I swear to keep you all posted.  As an extra bonus, here are some things that Americans coming to stay in Britain will miss about home:

1) Refills:  I don’t know what it is about the Brits and refills, but the concept of free refills is as foreign here as a Czech mustache barber.  Thus, I’ve been ordering tap water everywhere we go and they look at me like I’m some sort of Victorian pauper.  Cheeky, posh waiters (Britishisms).  You have to practically put a gun to their head to get a refill on water, but at least its free.

2) Public Bathrooms:  If you’re out and about and suddenly need to use the loo, sorry.  You’re out of luck.  Unlike America, not every store has a restroom.  Not even the grocery stores.  If you need a bathroom, run to the nearest pub and grab a pint, because only patrons can pee anyway.  Plus, they call them “toilets,” and its really awkward to ask for a toilet rather than a whole room, don’t you think?

3) Trash Cans:  There aren’t any.  Not in the airport.  Not in the street.  Not anywhere you would think.  There are some on the tube, but you have to hunt for them.

Well, that’s all you get, you ravenous hordes.  Go to sleep, or do something more productive than listen to my ramblings.   See you tomorrow!

Cheers for American refills, bathrooms, and trash cans.  God I miss them.

— Henry